Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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