what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
