I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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