I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
