I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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