To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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