You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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