There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
