living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
