so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
