There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
