forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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