So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
