my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
