I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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