Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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