She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
