you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You need a sexual gate keeper
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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