eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
God, I missed his penis.
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