I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
