Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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