"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
