Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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