I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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