I miss vodka workout Fridays
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
