But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
