Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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