Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
