Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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