the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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