Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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