i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
