What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
