Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
