she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
