the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
