I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
