so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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