He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
