In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize