There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
