goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
