All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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