I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize