so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize