You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
