it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
