I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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