I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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