Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
