i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
