He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
