yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
