Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize