i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
