the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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