fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
