it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
