YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
