I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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