in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
