I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
