Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
