Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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