Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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