Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
