Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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