Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
