The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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