well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
