No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
