I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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