We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
