Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
