So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize