youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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