I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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