you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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