Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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