Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
