Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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