real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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